Substitutes From Hell Literally
by Ameve
Summary: All the evil dudes in HFIL are forced to do community service on Earth. Dende, being the evil little god that he is, makes that service be substitute teaching at Orange Star High. I'm so cruel to my Gohan-kun. ^-^
1. The new program

The Substitutes from Hell (literally)

by Ameve

Disclaimer: Me no own DB/Z/GT. Although, if they're selling Trunks or Vegeta... hehehe.

Summary: All the evil dudes in HFIL are forced to do community service on Earth. Dende, being the evil little god that he is, makes that service be substitute teaching at Orange Star High. I'm so cruel to my Gohan-kun. -

Chapter One: The New Program

King Yemma sat at his desk, staring at the overwhelming piles of paperwork. He sighed and placed his chin in his hand, thinking. He was given a new assignment by Grand Kai earlier that week and he just couldn't get his head around it. Grand Kai thought that the evil inhabitants of HFIL were not being punished enough for their cruel deeds, so he had to come up with a new type of punishment for them. The assignment seemed easy, but Yemma had developed a huge case of Punisher's Block.

Suddenly, Yemma's head popped up and his helpless look left as a large, eerie grin slowly crept across his face. He had just thrown that Punisher's Block out the window and had the best idea. Not only would it punish the HFIL residents, it would get them out of his hair. He pressed a black button on his desk and a purple ogre with two horns and a spiked back appeared before his desk in a blaze of fire.

"Is there something you need King Yemma?" asked the red haired creature.

"Yes, please bring Dende hear at once. I need a favor from him." Yemma said to his subordinate.

The ogre, Larry, promptly disappeared and reappeared on Kami's Lookout. The scene that greeted him was slightly disturbing. It turns out the Z Senshi was currently have a party up on Kami's Lookout and the great saiyan prince, Piccolo, and Number 18 were twisted in odd and compromising positions as they played a game of Twister. Bulma looked furious that her overly cocky husband couldn't call her by her name because it would injure his pride, but he could get drunk and play silly, immature games. Goku was mad because Vegeta beat him in the Twister championship that they were having. Krillin wasn't too happy about the fact that Vegeta was straddling his wife and she had one arm wrapped around him, forcing her head into his stomach.

On the other side of the Lookout, Mr. Popo was running around behind two energetic demi-saiyans and frantically cleaning their trail of broken vases, pillars, and walls. Dende lay in his hammock watching this chaos and sipping on a frosty piña colada and smirking at the fuming Krillin and worried Popo.

Larry cleared his throat, not even wanting to know what these strange people were doing on the Lookout. Everyone turned to him and Dende jumped up with a scared look.

"King Yemma would like to see you, Dende," Larry said quickly. He wanted to get the hell out of there and away from these weirdoes. Dende gulped and nodded before trudging after Larry to King Yemma's office.

Yemma looked up as a flustered kami barged into his office looking extremely scared and ranting.

"Gohan's lying! Whatever he said, isn't true! I never made those seagulls attack him when he was on his school field trip! Honest!" he rushed before whimpering, "Please don't hurt me... or let him hurt me." Yemma, confused and slightly disturbed, put a hand in the air to silence Dende.

"Calm down, Dende. I'm not here to punish you for anything. I simply need to ask a favor of you." Yemma stated. Dende sighed in relief before realizing what he blurted.

"About the whole seagull thing," Dende said, " I was only kidding." Dende laughed nervously.

"Frankly, I don't care what you do in your free time Dende. I just need some help with this new project I just thought up for the people in the Home For Infinite Losers. We needed to punish them more, so I've decided that they have to do community service now. Got any ideas on what that could be?"

A twisted evil grin crept across the young gods face as he rubbed his green hands together menacingly while cackling. King Yemma backed away slowly.

Orange Star High School

Gohan, who was at school and missed the party, felt a sudden sharp pain in his right temple and his eye twitched. That only happened when something bad was about to happen. '_Dende_,' he thought, '_what are you going to do to me now?_' A helpless look replaced his usually happy face and only got worse as the day went on.

TBC

So what do you think? I am definitely gonna have fun with this one. I already have some great ideas, but tell me any villains or ideas that you guys want in here and I'll try to include them.

-Ameve


	2. Why is it always me?

The Substitutes From Hell (literally)

By Ameve

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ

Chapter Two: Why is it always me?

The next day at school, everyone was in the classroom talking and waiting for the teacher to come. The headache had gotten evehat sanity challenged freak!'

Just then, the door to the claad the dragon balls were there to fix anything that Dende did.

"Gohan, are you okay?'" Videl asked. "You look kinda pale, maybe you're coming down with the flu all the teachers got."

Gohan's head shot up and look at Videl with horrified eyes. _'Oh Kami,' _he thought. _'Dende's gonna have the Z senshi substitute, isn't he? Why is it always me? What the hell did I ever do to that sanity challenged freak!'_

Just then, the door to the classroom swung open and all the chattering ceased as the principal, Mr. Samson, walked in. He stood before the class and cleared his throat.

"Hello, children," he began. "Somehow, the entire faculty and substitute faculty, including me, came down with the flu. I am only here briefly to introduce your substitutes, who have volunteered to take over the classes. So, without further ado, your substitute principal, Mr. Vegeta."

'Damn, that little green bastard did get the Z senshi to sub for the teachers! I'll kill him!'

Before Gohan could burst through the window in search of the little green Namek, a man looking similar to Vegeta, but with a goatee, walked into the room.

"What the hell did I tell you weakling human! You will address me as **King **Vegeta, or you will **die**!" the man yelled at the principal while forming a ki blast in the palm of his hand. Gohan's eyes widened as they fell upon the golden halo above the man's head.

'No, it can't be! That can't be Vegeta's father! Oh Kami, kill me now… On second thought, how 'bout I kill you.' Gohan was, for the second time in two minutes, about to go after the obviously suicidal god when he was interrupted.

"Jesus, what a psychopath." Gohan looked up and saw Turner Williams, a dim-witted kid that spent too much time with his mother, whispering to his buddies.

Needless to say, this comment didn't go over too well with the proud saiyan. He shot a ki ball at the idiot and knocked him over his chair and onto the ground with a harsh thud. Turner stood up again with tears in his eyes..

"That stung you big meanie!" the kid yelled.

'Stung?' thought Gohan. "If this guy is a saiyan, and the king for that matter, that kid should be dead. What the hell? I guess he's just weak." Gohan said, unaware that he was mumbling his thoughts aloud. King Vegeta's honed saiyan ears twitched as he heard the seemingly skinny boy call him weak.

"What did you just say brat?" he threatened more than asked. Gohan looked clueless since he didn't know he was talking out loud.

"Huh? Are you talking to me?" he asked when he noticed K. Vegeta's glare was directed at him.

"Yes you. If I heard correctly, you pathetic earthling, you just called me _weak_," the last word was emphasized with such hatred that Gohan couldn't help but gulp. He looked so much like Vegeta did the time Yamcha gave Bulma a hug, that he could have sworn that it was in fact the prince, not the king.

"Um, I said, um. Are you Vegeta's dad?" Gohan fumbled nervously.

"How do you know my brat?" Now Gohan knew where Vegeta got his favorite name for children, this guy really is a psychopath.

"Vegeta is a friend of mine," Gohan said. "Sort of, um. Well, his mate and son are my friends anyway."

"The brat has a mate?!?"

"Um, yeah, her name's Bulma."

"And a brat of his own?!?"

"Yeah, his name is Trunks."

"What!?!?!?! My grandbrat is named TRUNKS?!?!?!?!?" Gohan was scared now. If this man was anything like Vegeta said he was, they had better evacuate the school.

"....maybe?"

"WHY THE HELL ISN'T IT VEGETA?!?!?!? HAS MY BRAT NO SENSE FOR TRADITION!?!?!?!? Seventy-six generations of Vegetas in the family and now this- this -- **_TRUNKS_**!!!!"

The king was faced with possibly the largest crisis he has ever encountered in all his years of life and afterlife. His grandbrat could not be called TRUNKS! He would simply have to force his brat to change his grandbrat's name to what it should be. Suddenly a thought struck the warrior king- all the saiyan women were dead! Who was the brat's mate? He definitely needed to find out.

"Brat's _friend_," the king said, spitting out the word "friend" as if it were poison. "You will bring me my brat, his mate, and my grandbrat. That is an order from the king of the great saiyan race."

__

'Oh mother of Dende, what the hell have I gotten myself into. King Vegeta meet Bulma.' Gohan grimaced at the thought '_Well, at least things can't get any worse._'

"Gohan," came a deathly low and threatening female voice. Gohan turned wide eyed to the black haired girl that sat glaring next to him. '_Crap. Spoke to soon._'

TBC

So guys, what do you think of this one. Should I drag the Z senshi into this? I will explain why the kid isn't dead, just not yet. Review.

-Ameve


	3. Family reunion from hell seriously, they...

The Substitutes From Hell (literally)

By Ameve

Disclaimer: DBZ is, unfortunately, not mine. If it were, GT Trunks wouldn't look so gay. leaves to go drool over Mirai Trunks

Okay guys, I fixed it. Thanks to everyone who helped me with the queen's name. I don't know what I'd do without my wonderful reviewers.

"Brat's _friend_," the king said, spitting out friend as if it were poison. "You will bring me my brat, his mate, and my grandbrat. Now, that is an order from the king of the great saiyan race."

'Oh mother of Dende, what the hell have I gotten myself into. King Vegeta meet Bulma.' Gohan grimaced at the thought _'Well, at least things can't get any worse.'_

"Gohan," came a deathly low and threatening female voice. Gohan turned wide eyed to the black haired girl that sat glaring next to him. _'Crap. Spoke to soon.'_

Chapter Three: Family Reunion from Hell (seriously, they just came from hell)

"Um..." Gohan was interrupted by King Vegeta.

"You look like that third class sayian, Bardock," the king observed.

"Really?" Gohan squeaked. _'Now all I need is for Vegeta to come and investigate the higher than usual power reading_.'

On the lookout

"Hmm," said Dende, a malicious grin on his face. "Not a bad idea."

He ambled to the edge of the lookout and peered down upon the Earth. _'God I love my job.'_

In the GR room

Vegeta was warming up for his morning exercise by doing 5,000,000,000,000 punches. He stopped mid punch when he had a sudden urge to check the ki readings at the eldest Kakabrat's school. He was shocked to find several powerful ki milling about and decided to go check it out.

Back at school

Videl did not like to be ignored, especially by Son Gohan. She growled slightly as the freaky man before them interrupted her interrogation right when she was about to get some answers out of the cute bookworm.

"Look dumbass," she hissed at the short man. Gohan visibly flinched. "I was in the middle of an interrogation, and my questions are far more important than yours so hush." Videl waved her hand dismissively at the proud king as Gohan flinched a second time. The man's eyes flashed dangerously, but Videl ignored him and turned to Gohan.

"Now tell me what is going on," she demanded.

"Um..." Gohan stuttered and gulped.

"You poor excuse for a sayian!" King Vegeta yelled up at the flustered teen. " Not only do you let your _human _mate insult your king, you let her control you like that! Pathetic."

"M-ma-mate?" a very pale demi-sayian stuttered. Videl stooped down to hide her blush behind her history book. K. Vegeta smirked. _'So, they don't know that they want to bond, eh?' _he thought. _'I can have some fun with that.'_

"Now if you don't mind I will proceed in hurting your _mate _severely," he emphasized the word mate and waited for the saiyan's reaction.

"Vegeta!" a female voice sounded from the doorway. The two saiyans present covered their ears at the painfully high noise and turned to the source of their agony. A female saiyan stood there looking extremely pissed off; the king immediately paled.

"R-Ros-Rosicheena?" K. Vegeta stammered. The pretty female, identified as Rosicheena, stormed towards the man. She was tall and had long, curly, black hair. The formidable looking woman stalked forward slowly; the resemblance between the grand saiyan king and a deer in headlights was absolutely striking.

"What have I told you about trying to hurt people while we are down here?!?!?" she yelled before smacking him upside the head with a frying pan. Gohan was shocked that someone could actually have that painful of a voice.

'What the hell kind of banshee woman is she?!?' Gohan asked himself.

A little voice in the back of his head answered, _'A sayian version of your mom.'_

Before the sayian king could answer, the door bust open to reveal the sayian prince. His cold glare turned into a wide-eyed stare. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times.

"F-father?" he finally stammered out. "M-mom?"

"Oh, my baby!" the banshee crooned as she ran to Vegeta and enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Mommy's missed her little Veggiekins so much!" she cooed while kissing him on the forehead and huggling him. Just at that moment Bulma stormed in.

"VEGETA!!!!" she screeched. "What have I told you about bothering Gohan at school?!?!??!?!" Trunks stood behind his mother and smirked _'Dad is in so much trouble.'_

Bulma stopped yelling at Vegeta when she noticed that he was being hugged and kissed by some strange woman.

"Oh, so this is what your really doing when you _'train'_," she fumed. "YOU BASTARD!!!! While I'm at home working myself to death, you're off gallivanting with some, some- OTHER WOMAN!!!!"

"Calm down," said the queen in a soothing voice. " I'm Veggiekins mother. You must be his mate."

Bulma blinked once. Twice. Three times. "So, you're my mother-in-law?" she asked.

Rosicheena nodded.

"I thought you were dead," Bulma deadpanned.

"I am," she pointed to the halo above her head, as if there were nothing abnormal about the conversation at all.

"I am so embarrassed and so sorry," said Bulma, blushing.

"You should be onna," growled Vegeta. "You are such an idiot sometimes. Why I ever mated with you is a mystery."

"Vegeta Elgin Bartholomew!" the queeen roared. "How dare you speak to your mate like that! How disrespectful! I did not raise my son to be like that!"

"Technically, you didn't raise me, Frieza did," Vegeta stated. The queen of mood swings, I mean saiyans stilled. Tears welled up in the her eyes and her lower lip quivered.

Vegeta's eyes widened.

"I didn't mean that. Mom," he desperately tried to keep her from crying. A frying pan came out of no where and hit Vegeta upside the head. An irate Bulma stood above her unconscious husband, armed with Chi Chi's patented Frying-Pan-Of-Doom™ .

"How dare you talk to your mother like that! She is a kind and loving woman!" Bulma grabbed a handful of his hair and dragged him out of the room, one arm around the Saiyan queen as the older woman cried into her daughter-in-law's shoulder. I guess Freud was right, men do marry women that resemble their mothers.

"Vegeta Elgin Bartholomew?" Gohan said before breaking down into hysterics. He dropped to the floor behind the desks and his whole body shook with laughter. King Vegeta looked at him like he was crazy before leaving the room. Everyone watched as the demi-saiyan rolled around on the ground laughing.

"Mom forgot about me, so I guess I'm staying here with you, Gohan." came a voice from the door way. Gohan immediately stopped laughing as he slowly brought his head up and saw the lavender haired chibi smirking up at him with an evil gleam in his eyes. _'That is **so** not cool, Dende.' _Gohan thought right as the bell rung, signaling the end of homeroom and the beginning of hell on Earth for our young demi-saiyan.

TBC

Ameve: I am so evil. Ah the wonders of authoress powers.

Miyané : And I thought I was supposed to be the evil one, I didn't even give you half those ideas.

Miyoko: I think you've corrupted her.

Miyané : I thought it would have taken more then two months of evilness lessons, but I guess her natural bitchiness sped up the process.

Ameve: whacks Miyané upside the head with Chi chi's frying pan

Miyané : () on the floor You are such a bitch.

Ameve: I am not _a_ bitch, I am _the_ bitch. ( - )

Quote of the Update:

I've got PMS and a gun. Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something?


	4. First Period, First Villian

The Substitutes From Hell (literally)

By Ameve

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, but I do own the mind that inspired this fanfic.

Ah, my triumphant return. Check out my previous chapter edits.

"Mom forgot about me, so I guess I'm staying here with you, Gohan." came a voice from the door way. Gohan immediately stopped laughing as he slowly brought his head up and saw the lavender haired chibi smirking up at him with an evil gleam in his eyes. _'That is **so** not cool, Dende.' _Gohan thought right as the bell rung, signaling the end of homeroom and the beginning of hell on Earth for our young demi-saiyan.

Chapter Four: First Period, First Villian

Gohan trudged down the hall, his shoulders drooping and his head held down in defeat, as Trunks bounced around him in circles talking a mile a minute.

"Sothatwasmygrandpa,huh?Helookslikedaddontchathink?Heseemsprettycooltoo!IhopeIlookcoollikethatwhenIgrowup!DoyouthinkIwillGohan?Who'sthatprettygirlbehindyouwholooksmad?Oh,sheremindsmeofmom,I'mgettingoutofhere!"

With that Trunks sped off down the hall ahead of Gohan with his arms spread out and making airplane noises. It took Gohan a while before he the speed talk registered. _'Oh crap!'_

"Gohan!" A guttural roar echoed down the halls. Gohan tensed up, before slowly turning to the source of the bellow.

"Yes, Videl?" Aforementioned girl stalked up to her prey and rest her hands on her hips. She took a deep breath before laying into her love interest, I mean friend!

"What happened in there?"

"I don't know, Videl. As far as I can tell, we got a bunch of freaks for substitutes, but I don't think it'll be that bad." _'I don't think it'll be that bad for you, at least.'_

"That man acted like you knew him?"

"He was mistaken, I just went along with it to avoid trouble. Really, I'm telling the truth." Gohan smiled and scratched the back of his neck._ 'Take the bait. C'mon, just take the bait!' _Videl's eyes narrowed, she couldn't _prove _that Gohan was lying, and the story would be somewhat plausible if it were anyone but Son Gohan telling it.

"Alright," Videl grudgingly conceded. Gohan exhaled visibly. "But I'm keeping my eye on you!"

Videl stormed down the hall to her first period class. Gohan took a deep breath and then followed. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to see who was teaching that class. The demi-saiyan took a deep, steadying breath before slowly turning the knob and letting the door swing open to reveal a face that Gohan will never forget.

"Raditz!" Gohan stumbled backwards into the hall and tripped over Trunks who had appeared out of nowhere.

"Ouch, Gohan! That hurt." Trunks rubbed his head where Gohan had kicked it on the way down.

"Silence! Who dares to interrupt my class?" Raditz boomed. The older saiyan obviously didn't recognize his nephew. _'Meh, might as well play along.'_

"Sorry sir, won't happen again." Gohan stood and brushed of the back of his pants. He grabbed Trunk by the arm and hurried to his seat.

"Way to go Gohan," Sharpner smirked. "Class hasn't even started and the teacher already hates you."

"Shut up, Sharpner," Erasa elbowed her fellow blonde in the side before plastering on a smile. "Ignore him Gohan, he's just jealous." She begin to draw figure eights on his arm with her index finger. "He wishes he were as handsome and popular and smart as you." She topped off her "seduction" with a high-pitched giggle.

Videl walked in just as Erasa began to run her hand through Gohan's hair. Without even realizing she did it, the envious girl threw a book at her blonde friends head. Erasa fell to the ground with a thud. Videl, suddenly regretting her actions, ran to her friend and helped her up.

"Who threw that at me?"

"I didn't see," Videl coughed.

"Maybe the name's in the book." Erasa reached over to grab the book, but Videl got it first. She flipped it open, glanced, and shrugged.

"Doesn't have a name, oh well. Moving on, so Gohan how are you?" Videl smiled.

"But you threw the book, lady." Trunks said before Gohan could answer.

"What, that's preposterous. I don't know what you're talking about." Videl practically shouted before leaning forward and whispering, "Shut up kid and I'll give you some candy."

Trunks eyes nearly popped out of his head. Mom never lead him have candy, she said it made him do bad things, but Trunks didn't think so. Blowing up Daddy's training area wasn't _that _bad and Daddy was too shocked to yell that much. He popped the sugary sweets into his mouth and instantly felt the need to destroy coursing through his veins.

"Um… I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in an hour or two." With those famous last words, the child-sized hurricane raced out the door in a blur of purple. Before Gohan could chase after him, the bell rang.

"Alright everyone, in your seats!" Raditz bellowed over the classroom din. The class quieted and peered up at the man in the odd spandex outfit. "Welcome to Home Economics, my name is Raditz and I'll be your… teacher, today.

"If you will all go to the ovens in the back, we will begin cooking our meals." The class stood up and shuffled to the back of the room. Gohan tied on his apron and found his cooking partner, Videl, talking to Erasa and Sharpner, who were also working together.

Everyone went to grab their cooking utensils, when they noticed that something was missing.

"Hey Mister," Erasa asked, "Where are the frying pans?"

"Shutup!" Raditz bellowed rapidly, "Therearenofryingpans! Idonotknowwhatyouaretalkingabout!"

Everyone in the classroom eyed their new teacher oddly, before warily continuing the search for supplies. Erasa and Videl returned to their work places with several pots.

"We couldn't find any pans," Videl sighed. "So we'll just have to make due with smaller pots. That new teacher's even weirder than the principal."

There was a murmur of agreement before everyone went to work on their culinary "masterpieces." Everything was progressing smoothly and Raditz was patrolling the aisles, practically drooling at some of the prospects in the ovens. Gohan and Videl were preparing a beautiful Beef Wellington. More like, Videl was punching the pastry puff and Gohan was drooling all over the large slab of sirloin. Erasa and Sharpner were faring much better. Their rack of lamb was prepped and ready to go, and their sauce was on the burner. Videl awed over her blonde buddies' progress.

"Wow," she mumbled. "You guys are doing great."

"Thanks, Videl," Erasa giggled. "Hey Sharpner, you wouldn't mind watching the suace while I'm gone would you? I have to go to the bathroom?"

"Sure, take your time." Erasa exited the classroom and Videl immediately put on her cute face.

"Oh Sharpner," she cooed. "You wouldn't mind helping lil ol' me, would ya?" She grinned sexily and twirled a lock of hair around her finger. Sharpner sputtered for a few seconds before wiping the drool off his mouth and completely forgetting about his own meal. The blonde eagerly chopped the meat and prepared the pastry while Videl laid her head on the table for a brief nap. Gohan decided to join her in dreamland.

Gohan couldn't have been asleep for more than ten minutes when screaming brought him back to reality. Sharpner's sauce was flaming and so was Raditz's hair. The saiyan was running around screaming and shooting ki blasts at the offending blaze. The students were staring in shock at their flaming teacher dashed around the room.

"AHHHHH!!! My hair!!! My beautiful, beautiful hair!! Oh Kami, my hair!!!"

"…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

The demi-saiyan dashed to the sink and filled a pot with water and threw it on his flailing uncle, putting out the fire and drenching him from head to toe. Raditz took several deep breaths before turning to Gohan.

When Videl finally woke up, she found that the stoves were abandoned and everyone was eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She looked in the corner or the room and saw her wet teacher stroking his singed shoulder-length hair and mumbling to himself. Eyeing him warily she leaned over to her cooking partner who, for some unknown reason, was sporting a big black eye.

"Goh-"

"Don't ask." He proclaimed with a shake of his head. "You don't want to know." There was a murmur of agreement as the bell rang to signal the end of their first class. The students shoved their way out the door trying to get as far away from the freak who was rocking back and forth in the corner, mumbling about how his students had lots of hair he could use.

TBC

Not up to par, but it's been a while.


End file.
